


Off The Record

by InsaneJul



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Arguing, Blackwatch Era, Canonical Character Death, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Lack of Communication, M/M, Moira is Talon, Post-Canon, Retribution, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 04:09:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14393979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJul/pseuds/InsaneJul
Summary: Gabriel feels he owes Jack an explanation for what he did on the Venice mission. Frustrated by the things that came to light during the mission, however, he doesn't go about it very well. (minor reaper76, can be read as platonic)





	Off The Record

**Author's Note:**

> fuckinretributionevent.docx  
> In other news, I. Love. Gabriel. Reyes. And here is my take on why he did what he did!

            In the end, it was the only thing I could do.

            I hate admitting someone else was right, but Antonio was right. Of course he was right. We could drag him to jail over and over but he’d just slip right on out. How could I keep wasting resources on him? How could I keep putting agents in danger? How long could we keep that up? Especially if…

            We’d come all this way. I was getting something out of it.

            “That wasn’t the plan!” If I had a dollar for every time McCree muttered it on the flight back I’d be a rich man. It’s frustrating when you’re proud of someone for fighting you. And besides, he’d been the one to suggest killing Antonio in the first place. If I was dumber, or I had a penchant for driving myself insane, I’d wonder what made him so upset about my decision to do it anyway. Of course, I did—I do—tend to drive myself insane, but I wasn’t dumb enough for that. I knew why he was upset. I surprised him, and I never did that before, not in the field, when it really mattered. He wasn’t angry, he was scared—which is probably what bothered me most about the whole thing.

            “What were you thinking?” Jack had asked me that question so many times through the years, and this time maybe I owed him a real response. When everyone else had left, I gave him one. I still didn’t want to be on the record, not if she was listening.

            “He was leading us on,” I ground out. “No matter what we did, he’d get back out there in a matter of days. What else was I supposed to do?”

            “Maybe—”

            “If you say ‘the right thing’, I’m going to throw you out the window.”

            “Gabe, come on—”

            “No!” I shouted. “No, I’m done listening to you go on about the ‘right thing’ to do. Sometimes there isn’t a right thing to do. Neither you nor I are Superman, Jack. That’s a lie that people like to tell themselves, that there has to be a way to defeat the bad guys without any casualties. The real world is messy, and I’d appreciate it if you joined me in it for a moment.”

            Jack just sighed and sat down. “You really believe that?”

            “I know it, man. You haven’t been out there in a while and I have. Besides, I don’t need to be lectured any more. I got Ana, I got you, and even worse I’ve got McCree. He was yelling at me right there in the field, like—” I broke off to laugh bitterly. “Guess I raised him too well.”

            “Talon was waiting for you to crack, and you gave them exactly what they wanted.”

            “I know that!” I snapped, and he looked taken aback. “Don’t you get it? That’s why I had to kill him. It was a setup! He _knew_ we were coming and he _knew_ that he would be freed—he practically _told_ me he has someone—some _thing_ up his sleeve, god dammit Jack, can’t you see that? If I had gone through with my original plan it would have been—” I stopped to take a breath, tried to calm down. “It would have been exactly what he wanted. What _they_ wanted.”

            “And are you sure that changing your mind and killing him wasn’t what they wanted?”

            I paused. I hadn’t had time to think about the ramifications of what I’d done, which was atypical and very stress-inducing. The thing was, Jack was probably right. The more I thought about it, the more I realized Antonio had been bait that I’d taken, but no matter what I did to him, Talon had an advantage to gain. I hadn’t had a choice. We were pinned down. Just showing up in the first place had forced us to give them the upper hand. We shouldn’t have gone at all. “Maybe,” I said, “but you know that either way it would have ended badly.”

            Jack ran a hand through his hair, which was marginally distracting, and admitted, “yeah, I know.”

            “Are you gonna tell me we shouldn’t have done anything at all?”

            “As much as I like being in the business of telling you what to do, no. I trust you, you know that. I know you were doing what you thought was right, and your team was behind you 100%.”

            “More like 75%,” I muttered.

            “What?”

            “Look, not all of us have your infinite patience and trust, Jack,” The reminder of the betrayal I just— _we_ just suffered started me up again. I didn’t want to tell him my suspicions. He wouldn’t take it well. “I’m not a saint. At least I’m doing what I can.”

            “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” Jack narrowed his eyes at me, partly offended and partly confused at my change in mood.

            Anger fully rekindled, I threw my hat across the room. “Your job is to _sit by and do nothing!_ I was pretty excited when I found out I didn’t have to do your job, and even then I didn’t know how good I had it. I’d rather be rotting in a cell than have the power to do something and _doing nothing!_ I’d rather be doing something stupid than nothing at all! You have to know that. You have to understand that!”

            “And you wouldn’t be able to do stupid things if I wasn’t there covering your ass after every mission, Gabriel!”

            I stayed silent for a moment. I did know that, and he knew I did. I didn’t want to admit defeat though, so I just said, “You _know_ me. Better than anyone.”

            “Yeah, I do,” Jack stood back up, folding his arms and looking directly into my eyes. “Which is why I’m so upset, actually. I can’t remember the last time you did something so reckless. You threw your team into a situation they weren’t entirely prepared for, something you haven’t done on purpose…ever, as far as I can remember. Gabe, you put your team first. I find it hard to believe you’d do that, even if…”

            I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t want to tell him. It made my head hurt. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately, Jack…” I sighed deeply, trying to push out all the frustration and adrenaline still in my veins. “It’s like…the voices in my head are getting harder to ignore. Louder.”

            “You should get that checked out.”  

            “Har har,” I glared at him, but was relieved that he was joking with me—meant he wasn’t so mad, or at least calmed down. “Jack, I’m not...I wake up every morning and I look at the news and…it’s so frustrating, everything. Everything I’m not helping, I’m just…I’m not doing enough.”

            I’m surprised by his hand on my shoulder. I must really be getting through to him if he’s willing to touch me so soon after being so angry. “I know how you feel.”

            “You’re much better at hiding it than I am, then,” I try to laugh but it comes out more like a huff and he squeezes a little, comforting me. That’s just not fair of him.

            “We can’t fix everything, Gabe.”

            “I want to, though. I want to be able to—Antonio was talking about how easily he’d get out of prison and you’re completely right, Jack, I just snapped. After what happened and he still had the gall to—and he was right, I’m so _sick_ of running myself ragged after these things I just can’t—” I was suddenly hyper-aware of his touch, he still hadn’t let go, so I shrugged him off before continuing. “I just wanted to _win_ for once. To feel like I’d made a difference. Remember that? It was like our drug of choice, years ago.” Jack chuckled and I tried to hide my automatic smile in return. “I never get that feeling anymore. Like everything I do is just one tiny step in this long-ass hike and I’m never gonna reach the end.”

            “Yeah,” was all he said, and I knew he understood. This was Jack Morrison, after all. He always understood me.

            We just stood there in silence for a few minutes, something we hadn’t been able to do in a long time, longer than it should have been. There’s something about his presence that calms me down, just a little, and I basked in the ability I felt I hadn’t had in months.

            “You gonna reprimand McCree?”

            “What, for snarking at me? He’s always doing that.”

            “You said he yelled at you in the field, in front of the others.”

            “Yeah, but…” I ran a hand over my face. A finger almost caught on the bags under my left eye—Christ, how long had it been since I slept properly?—and I restarted. “Jesse’s my right hand these days. It’s a privilege I gave him and I’m not taking it back now. He was...ugh, he was right. I shouldn’t have done that to them. I know that. I knew it then, it just seemed so much less important when he was talking. Then I’d pulled the trigger before I’d thought it through.” All I’d been able to think was that I’d played right into their hands. Jack would have known that if I told him—he knew how I got paralyzed when I realized I made a mistake—but I wasn’t looking for understanding.

            “Now I’m sure something’s wrong with you,” He nudged me. “You always think these things through.”

            “I should apologize to him. I know it doesn’t do any of us any good, but I should do it all the same. And to you too,” I raised my gaze to meet his. He was watching me steadily, something that used to soothe me but right then it put me on edge, knowing he could see everything I was trying to hide. “I am sorry, Jack. If I had to do it again…”

            “You’d probably do the same thing.”

            “You’re right, but at least I’d still hate myself.”

            “There’s a hell of a mess I have to clean up for you, Gabe.”

            “I…” I knew what I had to say. I knew the only thing I could do to fix it, in any way, but I still didn’t want to say it. “I will help you. In any way I can.”

            “You know I’m going to have to suspend Blackwatch.”

            “Yeah, I do. And I’ll…” I had to swallow my annoyance, which he saw but did not comment on. “I’ll cooperate. Just don’t take me out of this entirely.”

            “Done. And your team?”

            “Leave them out of it. This is my responsibility.”

            I don’t regret saying that, but I wish I had known then what I know now, because that was the last thing I said to him about it. And it shouldn’t have been. There are far too many things I should have told him.

**Author's Note:**

> I am such a subscriber to the "Moira was already Talon" theory and since some of my other works include retconned things or just plain fanon things that turned out to be wrong I have Zero Problem writing it in


End file.
